After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
