I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
