If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
