Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
