Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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