At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
