my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
