..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
