I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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