What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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