She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
