A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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