I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
