so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize