i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
