Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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