The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
