my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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