she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
