We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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