i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
