Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
