I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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