She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He felt like a one man threesome
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
