Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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