Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize