My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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