yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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