just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
