Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
