I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
