It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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