I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
