I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
