And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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