Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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