well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
