Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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