Please, let me fuck your mom
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize