I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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