Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
