I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
