i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
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