I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
