Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
