i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
