Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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