How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
