So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
