Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize
