I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
