How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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