Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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