I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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