my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
