I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
