Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
These tits shall not be calmed
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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