I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
