we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
