I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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