dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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