Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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