Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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