Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
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