All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
