What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
