YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
