I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
