how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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