I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
