sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
