When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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