I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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